you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
