i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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