come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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