I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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