evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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