At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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