he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
