I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
