Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
