I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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