just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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