he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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