I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
