I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
