C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
