you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
