So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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