My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
