Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
