how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
