Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
