ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
