You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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