I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I looked at my own cervix.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
