Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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