The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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