That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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