I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize