she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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