whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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