im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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