So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize