Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
