Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
