we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
