I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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