Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
