Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
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