there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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