when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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