nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
