Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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