Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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