He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
