I wish my penis had an off switch
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
