did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
