I wish I could punch you in the face.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
