Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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