No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
COCAINE IS GR8
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize