just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
