Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
