that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
