i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
