Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
