yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
