my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
