I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
