So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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