If that was your dad, he is hot
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
