now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Even my vagina gasped.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
