Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize