You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
