Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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